09.11.2005

Where And What Is Planetkat?








No one knows the coordinates and therefore the exact position of this peculiar planet which has actually only been spotted once by a scientist in 1929. She presented her findings at a very important interstellar findings congress in 1931 and again in 1934, but to her disgrace, not much attention was paid to her as she was dressed in trousers which was heavily disregarded by the attending gentlemen. If this insignificant detail had not have been such a distraction for them, they too would have been puzzled by something that can only be described as truly peculiar. Only recently, her research has been reconsidered as her papers were looked through after her death. Some of the field's leading scientists have agreed on the fact that there is a giant need to reinvestigate.

With the introduction of new mirror telescopes positioned along the Mexican border in Guatemala, these reinvestigations could be carried out, and the findings were surpising. Planetkat, as it was agreed on at the last interstellar findings congress, by appearance no more than a misshapen planet at the Outer Hebrides of the galaxy Murx Balda 7 Strich 3, is circled by six satellite objects. The research team led by Dr. H. Hrrvhrrrvrrh came to the conclusion that one of them seems to be a giant blender, which strongly resembles popular household products from the Fifties. This blender, as well as a giant fake moustache attached to some black rimmed glasses, were the only flying objects that were identified so far. The investigations continue as scientists currently argue whether the third one is a green hopping camel or not.

Whilst investigations continue, there has been a public outcry as police has arrested a woman who claims to be the only inhabitant of Planetkat. As reported, the woman, who has chosen to remain nameless, is traveling Planet Earth to promote "world peace through inner happiness". Whilst asking everyone "suffering from starvation, ignorance, and abuse to claim political refuge" at Planetkat as long as "they guarantee to maintain loving relationships with their fellow refugees in their individual quests for inner happiness", she is referring to the ones in power to support her in her "simple yet essential crusade, as Planet Earth, unique in the universe through its multitude, people, cultures, designs, parties, critiques, drugs, places, languages, comic books, tattoos, connections, sexes, music, politics and paintings, is the only planet of its kind in the entire cosmos. It was created to be home of the humans" and therefore deserves "our undivided admiration, care and cultivation on a daily basis".

Only here, she claimed in another press statement issued this morning, "little kids can run around playing naked all day long. Only here exist political pornos in schoolbooks, student exchanges, baked beans, freckly boys and speckled pills, good clubs and illegal parties. Records made from vinyl. Fanzines, emails, advertisement agencies and shortstories. Yes, installations in cyber space and far distant places were people can seek refuge exist, but they are only reflections of the reality created in our world and can never replace the habitat we already created. It's time to wake up the radiance of the Earth's inhabitants as smiles will eradicate the fear that has crept into the hearts of those who should be full of hope as an existence in dignity is possible for everyone who chooses it".

The world's leading politicians have so far, remained silent, but there are rumours that delegates of the G8 nations have been sent out to negotiate.

World Press Associates

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